Jordyn

• Lowkey giving fanfiction vibes but I’m not mad about it 
• Felt a little spicy at times 
• I love your dialogue → these feel like real people 
• Lowkey wish Jasper would’ve murdered her 
• Her parents are so mean omg 
• I know you mentioned feeling some semblance of this so I hope you don’t find this too harsh but I feel like this is story that needs chapters 

Kenzi

• This feels really relatable especially since it seems you based the campus off of this one 
• I like that you can get a feel for their relationship without having to beat us over the head with it 
• The use of time feels really intentional
• I’m getting some feelings of resentment
• This is kind of sad 
• I know it’s explained but why does she wait so long to say something 
• Due to your title I was expecting the conversation to be a confession. Is there a reason you decided to name it Girlfriends?

Sophie

• Overbearing mom
• You get the sense that the mom will blame everything except herself 
• Problems with daughter of other family?
• Oh, the other daughter died 
• This is not in the olden days their family just speaks weirdly
• “Tough one to crack”
• Prosecco and negroni… I see you, Sophie 
• Pistachio isn’t Adelaide’s 
• The crash scene is described wonderfully 
• So, I did cry
• I was wondering if maybe the title could be something like “Tough to crack” or something along those lines
• Also, is there any way you could allude more to Pistachio not being Addie’s?

Skyler

• I’m getting the feeling they like each other 
• Intro line bangs 
• What time period are we in? I feel like a lot of the dialogue is very stuffy
• Enemies to lovers? Enemies to friends?
• Humor to break up tension 
• Why are they enemies
• I like the bones of this story but I feel like if we were to focus on another aspect that would make it all come together for me. As of right now, it feels like there are a lot of aspects that would make for a great short story but they’re all just compiled in to this story if that makes sense

Lizzie

• A heist!
• Why did they go clean for a year?
  • Oh was it jail lol
• Gwen more of the mastermind and Abby the follower 
• Believable conflict → going back because of monetary struggles 
• Element of addiction 
  • Stealing 
  • Relationship 
• Easy to imagine your scenes because of your description 
• Moments of humor 
• I feel like your story is at a crossroads. On one hand, you want to explore a couple who went straight for a while but gets back into heists because of their monetary situation and the impact that the change in lifestyle had on their ability to successfully do crime. On the other hand, it seems you want to explore a Bonnie and Clyde-esque couple who are having issues because one has suffered trauma from a past job and the other doesn’t want to talk about it which is leading to some conflict in their relationship. I think you should pick one and stick to it- either would be fun stories to read 

Brady 

• I’m getting big summer vibes 
• Are they like doing a summer bucket list before they go off to college
• Oh, they’re like actually faking their death 
• I like the hair cutting scene 
• What are they running away from?
• Maybe having one of the girls be more apprehensive about running away?

Jenna

• This feels very real 
• Ugh the lanyard cringe 
• Is it really the school’s fault or is some of it on her?
• I like that the MC is kind of rude and standoffish and has someone to call her out 
• I like the bet that they have 
• This is sweet
• I like that they’re just friends 
• And i like the idea of the journal entries 
• Call back to the ruined journal 

Izzy

• I like that you start with the strategy so to speak and then we can flash back to get the beginning of their relationship 
• I like the “tooth fairy” thread 
• I feel like I want more of the problems with addiction and the stress of making a family 
  • As of right now it feels kind of far away and since these two things are the inciting incident that causes Liam’s grief 
• I feel like the ending might be a little too happy? Idk she seems really distraught at the beginning and it feels a little too neat for her to be like humming at the end of this 
  • Maybe have the issue be selling the house and her closure isn’t just the note, but also finally being able to put it on the market 

Mackie

• Immediately I like the voice of the MC- They’re upset with their situation and their thoughts reflect that 
• The medical descriptions are great → they’re making me cringe which is good for this story 
• So, Delilah isn’t making it through this story
• I like that the MC is more pessimistic but I wish Delilah was more optimistic  
• I like the scene of Delilah and Barrie in the kitchen late at night → it reminds us that they’re still kids 
• I feel like you did a lot of telling in this story and you might be able to gain some more real estate if you showed more 
• I think you can honestly cut out the first half and allow more room to develop Barrie and Delilah’s friendship
  • For me it doesn’t feel as significant because we don;t spend a lot of time with them

Cammy

• “Three years since I’ve last seen him” → dead or break up?
  • Breakup 
• Very toxic relationship 
• “Attraction, manipulation, and healing” – Sophie 
• I’m nervous the toxic ex is marrying the friend lol
• This is awkward haha
• Peyton is a douchebag name 
• Problematic take: Tessa might be making this all about herself even though he broke up with her in a shitty way 
• Actually both of these people fucking suck
• How are they having this conversation in public at a wedding 
• Oh so none of this happened?
• Omg so toxic
• The realization that this was all in her head was a little messy for me. Is there any way we could clear this up?

Bridget

• Are we dealing with Alzheimer’s or dementia?
• This is fun to read about his background 
• “She was like an elegant rose” → roses for page breaks 
• Wait cookie girl isn’t edith?
• Oh, i imagined him in the navy for some reason
• A lot of flower motifs
• I like that you don’t drag out their love story actually as it seems the MC is reminiscing 
• “It was a simple picture, and we weren’t really smiling in it, but it was us…”
• “We would always be us” could kinda be a title 
• The end kind of wraps up fast 

Alexa

• What an opening 
• Very meta
• This feels like a stream of consciousness 
• I feel like a lot of your real estate is taken up with this long prose, stream of consciousness stuff that doesn’t add much to the character or the story seeing as the woman on the railing comes out of nowhere (I do not have a problem with this). I think maybe focus on the issue with the boyfriend or this tension between the woman and Molly.

Cole

• I would’ve loved Chainsawctopus 
• Are they together or just best friends?
• “If you were going to die, and there was nothing you could do about it, would you kill yourself?” → oof
• Is it very believable that two strangers would just catch movies together all day or even share intellectual opinions about a film?
• I really like the fact that you added in that she smokes. Reading it made my heart sink knowing now that she has cancer
• Cole if she isn’t able to watch the movie I swear to God…
• I don’t think we spend long enough on the truck murder?
• Okay so is the truck scene from the movie or something that actually happened to them?
• When does the story stop and the film begin?

Gracie 

• “They will never meet again and that’s okay” → ouch
• So, likes Noah but is with Asher?
• I like the font change. It conveys the emotions well
• It’s a lovely paragraph, Noah texting Sophia, but would a college age boy talk like that
• Omg not the Mazzy Star
• “A romantic friend connection” → you just want to be best friends 
• There is no way Asher is the right person for her 
• Did he break up with her?
• Conspiracy theory I think Sophia is still in love with Noah 
• I think you did a really great job with this story. I was and am still really invested in these characters and the complicated intertwinnings. Speaking of complications it never felt convoluted and I wanted to commend you for that.

Teresa

• Good first sentence 
• No exchanging of numbers?
• “She’s not like other girls”
• Why is he so bothered about having a crush 
• Cheesy pun omg 
• I feel like you keep adding decently important details at random parts in the narrative. I really think you should add these earlier on so we can get a better characterization of Jay like how he’s afraid of his gf or how he works in a factory 
• What is so different about Jennifer 
• A month and a half and he still only considers it a crush 
• “The sun was setting, showing a beautiful sunset” → can we make this a little more streamlined?
• Ending wraps up kinda fast

Scott

• The humor is really good 
• You’re doing a great job of creating tension
• What did he (the father) do?
• This is so nitpicky but I feel like you say Boston a lot 
• I liked this a lot 
• Only suggestion: maybe somehow factoring more of the dad stuff earlier into the story? Unlike what everyone else said, I think Boston’s anger is normal and natural even after all these years. I just wish it wasn’t such a spontaneous thing

Alex

• Tide pens? Not just laundry detergent?
• She’s checking for the ring in the middle of a gun fight?
• Would she not have more ammo? Or at least an ankle piece?
• Do they have a car?
• Where did Penny get a gun from?
• How does Penny know how to shoot?
• Okay I really liked that this felt like an actual movie or like an episode of one of those procedural crime shows that are always on. I think the characters felt real and the situations that they were in were believable which I really applaud you for especially in a story like this. I think your attention to details is really good- even with the flashback everything still flows seamlessly and I like that you took extra care to make sure it did.